Fifthteen Hundred

Avoiding eye contact, thoughts I keep hidden, they can't become free,
Blame will cover my frail heart; do you know what you see?
Afraid of the dark, monsters wait,
A loving action that bruises, expectations live as the bait,
Entering my room, my door I close,
A tilted chair, a familiar pose,
Mother works late, money to survive,
Father states, love, he will forever provide,
Having a shower, I avoid each drop, each reminder,
That pain stems from a mature provider,
The shake that will forever last,
Stems from a change of perception, a moment in the past,
A shadow sneaks to my bedroom door,
A smiling silhouette hiding from mans law,
My blanket is removed,
Words spoken then actions prove,
Fear and fascination causes the silence,
My face portrays confusion, is this love or violence?
Part of my body, I have always been told to hide,
My father removes my underwear, what he sees creates pride,
His hand causes an increased heart beat,
Touching my vagina, I'm overwhelmed by a growing heat,
His penis is hard, mixed feelings I fuse,
He says I will gain something if I'm willing to lose,
I have thoughts that constantly shout,
i open my mouth however, no words will come out,
Avoiding eye contact, thought I keep hidden, they can't become free,
I hold my silent doll, fifthteen hundred days ago my father first raped me.