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staring at this screen i see an image that confronts me, the man staring back has a smile of negative wishes, those desires stem from poor role models and swaying memmories.
3days ago I found out that i will be kicked out of my house this Sunday, fears surfaced as i created an imagge of whree i will be, or wont be. with that news i pictured being fired for i dont have a home, i went to work and told my boss that i quit, he said to come to work or suggested that other parties could be involved, my social worker who never has time for me just rang and said that she will stuff me into a boarding house, which means that i will be living with people with drug and anger problems, i assume that will add to my problems and the fact that i still will lose my job makes me smile, makes me think in a way that is similar to me being in the psych ward, i smile for i might actually now have the strenght to do something i have always wanted to do, and thats give up.
3days ago I found out that i will be kicked out of my house this Sunday, fears surfaced as i created an imagge of whree i will be, or wont be. with that news i pictured being fired for i dont have a home, i went to work and told my boss that i quit, he said to come to work or suggested that other parties could be involved, my social worker who never has time for me just rang and said that she will stuff me into a boarding house, which means that i will be living with people with drug and anger problems, i assume that will add to my problems and the fact that i still will lose my job makes me smile, makes me think in a way that is similar to me being in the psych ward, i smile for i might actually now have the strenght to do something i have always wanted to do, and thats give up.
Until We Share
Sit here holding a sore hand, my so called friend Andy attacked me several months ago when I confronted him about him beating his much younger boy friend. he reacted with anger and I ended going through a window. days in hospital shaking with such fear; thought I would lose two fingers plus was surrounded by strangers touching me. hid my tears till no one was looking.
In more happier news I have spoken with some family on facebook, first time in years and believe I could once again have a family or at least friends that wont attack me. Still living in the boarding house and writing poetry which I hope to share on deviantart. usual topics suc
Until We Speak
The shadow on my wall sits and accepts its life and my choices, but i question.
2012 has come with ample warning yet the tears I hide behind my painted smiles waits to be released. My birthday has passed and thus the memory of my mother and sisters grave disappearing beneath the build up of time. I miss them and they way that made me feel; complete. I accept their deaths but struggle with the gift I have known as life. I live in a boarding house in a area known for drugs and crime, the people I live with are respectful mostly, to my face but I know that when I'm not there they judge what they resist to understand; my sexuality and my depress
Until We Speak
to those on my lise that i do speak with, to those that read and enjoy my work, i thank u for the strengh u remind me of, the strength that i have hiding inside of my frail skin. since christmas i havent been to tafe, im no longer welcomed there so must find another way to share my poetry and thoughts, im coping well just been little sad with tafe no loner in my routine but no i will find a way to better my life.
have written another fifty poems since chrstmas and cant wait to share them with my friends on here, like usual they are abstract, or confronting or well, dealing with issues most refuse to talk about.
until then i have on question
Devious Journal Entry
Novemeber the first was the anniversary of my mother passing, the seventh reminder that I cant hug her when I need, that I cant seek her advice when I need it or smile the way only a mother can make you smile. I accept her death but I hate that I feel alone and isolated at home, I make my self something to eat and know she wont be at the table to share a meal, I wash my clothes for I know if I leave them she isn't there to help me out.
As a result I have had trouble sleeping, in the last 15days there have been 6nights when I haven't slept, instead have sat up late staring at a wall that doesn't move and a knife that tries to hide from me. M
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Comments20
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I'm so sorry, Adam. Honestly that just really sucks. I feel so bad, here I am, sitting and waiting for Christmas and family, everything is sparkling and happy. I find it extremely unfair. Fate is unfair. You deserve so much better, & I sincerely hope you don't give up. This comment is extremely late, I know. I'm sorry, I really should've checked DA earlier. I don't have depression as other people do so of course, I don't understand completely, but I do care. Honestly if I could, I'd go right to you and console you, but you live on the other side of the world.
Don't give up. I know, it's just three words that many people would say.. I hope Adam, that everything gets better. It has to. Don't give up, for me & everyone else that cares, which i know they do. For what's waiting for you in the future. (:
Wow, this is really long... ~ahaha... Well, Merry Christmas Adam! & a happy new year ~
P.S I find this site really sweet, give it a try ?
[link] ♥
Don't give up. I know, it's just three words that many people would say.. I hope Adam, that everything gets better. It has to. Don't give up, for me & everyone else that cares, which i know they do. For what's waiting for you in the future. (:
Wow, this is really long... ~ahaha... Well, Merry Christmas Adam! & a happy new year ~
P.S I find this site really sweet, give it a try ?
[link] ♥