Fighting the puppet master of depression

3 min read

Deviation Actions

lackofevolution's avatar
Published:
737 Views
Within shadows I hide, I fear the world for the way I assume they will view me. I have been out of work for two months despite my efforts to become the man that contributes to the city he lives in. My depression grows each day I sit at home and think, I understand the way I view myself in only half the truth, my depression causes me to hear the negatives as strong words and postives as the whispers that hide behind them. however because thats my perception life becomes harder to except, self harm has returned back to the consistency it was when I started 13years ago which does scare me, it no longer hurts it actually is the only thing inn my life right now that gives strenght, dare I say it feels good. My family still hide behind the landscape, it will take one call to see them but I fear their perception of our past, my little step brother still wants to hurt me, he went as far as saying that he wished I had died rather then our mother, he has hes reasons and I starting to think that I should return to the other side of melbourne to give him a chance to hurt me just so i can move on from his words or so I can hurt him for his words. mum remains as a grave that i cant find, her details are with my family and I fear their judgement even if it means that I can see her resting place, I want to cry on her grave. My father remains as a shadow of danger that I want to destroy, I am not the violent person but fear that if I ran into him I would hurt him for what he did to me older sister, my twin sister and finally in third place, for what he did to me. I want to punish him for ever saying that he loved his kids, for he did everything but love his kids and now that were not there he has started a new family and I fear that he will restart his version of love. I dont think I can stop him without putting him in hospital and I dont know if I have the right to do that or the right to do nothing with the information and assumptions I have.

thanks for reading, venting helps me deal with depression and the judgement I get for being gay, a white aborginal and my lack of evolution.
© 2011 - 2024 lackofevolution
Comments17
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
LovelessCrosseria's avatar
don't know what to say, seems like everybody have said all the right things.
But I am truly sorry, no one should experience something like that, and I hope that you can find ways to get some happines into your life.