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with an new year come the newest chance to fuck it all up, but desptie depression yelling in my ears i sit here with some security, im back at work after a 3week hoilday. during which time i spent 2week with a lovly woman called Ann, we spoke and shared ourselves during many conversations including a seventeen hour conversation during christmas eve, we ended up sleeping together which made me feel like a "man" but it did come with regrets as i have labeled myself for the past 6years as a gay man and now im feeling things i havent for a long time and want to express them, i know im not straight, i now dont think im gay, so that must mean im bi, right?
Until We Share
Sit here holding a sore hand, my so called friend Andy attacked me several months ago when I confronted him about him beating his much younger boy friend. he reacted with anger and I ended going through a window. days in hospital shaking with such fear; thought I would lose two fingers plus was surrounded by strangers touching me. hid my tears till no one was looking.
In more happier news I have spoken with some family on facebook, first time in years and believe I could once again have a family or at least friends that wont attack me. Still living in the boarding house and writing poetry which I hope to share on deviantart. usual topics suc
Until We Speak
The shadow on my wall sits and accepts its life and my choices, but i question.
2012 has come with ample warning yet the tears I hide behind my painted smiles waits to be released. My birthday has passed and thus the memory of my mother and sisters grave disappearing beneath the build up of time. I miss them and they way that made me feel; complete. I accept their deaths but struggle with the gift I have known as life. I live in a boarding house in a area known for drugs and crime, the people I live with are respectful mostly, to my face but I know that when I'm not there they judge what they resist to understand; my sexuality and my depress
Until We Speak
to those on my lise that i do speak with, to those that read and enjoy my work, i thank u for the strengh u remind me of, the strength that i have hiding inside of my frail skin. since christmas i havent been to tafe, im no longer welcomed there so must find another way to share my poetry and thoughts, im coping well just been little sad with tafe no loner in my routine but no i will find a way to better my life.
have written another fifty poems since chrstmas and cant wait to share them with my friends on here, like usual they are abstract, or confronting or well, dealing with issues most refuse to talk about.
until then i have on question
Devious Journal Entry
Novemeber the first was the anniversary of my mother passing, the seventh reminder that I cant hug her when I need, that I cant seek her advice when I need it or smile the way only a mother can make you smile. I accept her death but I hate that I feel alone and isolated at home, I make my self something to eat and know she wont be at the table to share a meal, I wash my clothes for I know if I leave them she isn't there to help me out.
As a result I have had trouble sleeping, in the last 15days there have been 6nights when I haven't slept, instead have sat up late staring at a wall that doesn't move and a knife that tries to hide from me. M
© 2011 - 2024 lackofevolution
Comments32
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I saw this journal entry a long time ago, and at first I didnt know how to properly answer. But now I do. If you say you're gay then you're gay. End of story. Sexual Orientation isnt who you have sex with, its who you are attracted to.
I have this gay friend named J, he is really really feminine, feminine voice and mannerisms, sometimes he dresses like a girl. He came out at 14, but here's the thing, he sleeps with tons of women. In my GSA there are gay men who admitted to having sex with ladies and lesbians who have admitted to having sex with men years after they have come out of the closet. American actor Neil Patrick Harris has also done this before he married his husband.
In prisons there are straight men who have sex with each other and have no attraction to each other whatsoever. There was even this study in Georgia, homophobic men, claiming to be straight, claimed to hate LGBT and claimed to have wives and girlfriends whom they were sexually involved with had, got turned on after looking at gay porn, 40% more than straight men who weren't homophobic.
You are a Bisexual when you are Sexually and Romantically attracted to both genders, you can be Sexually Fulfilled by either gender, and you can Romantically Love a person of either gender. So if you were in love with this woman, Ann, then you are bi, if not and if this was a one time thing and if you claim that your gay, then you are. Having sex with both genders doesnt mean your bi. And expiramenting can also be VERY misleading and so can porn.
I have this gay friend named J, he is really really feminine, feminine voice and mannerisms, sometimes he dresses like a girl. He came out at 14, but here's the thing, he sleeps with tons of women. In my GSA there are gay men who admitted to having sex with ladies and lesbians who have admitted to having sex with men years after they have come out of the closet. American actor Neil Patrick Harris has also done this before he married his husband.
In prisons there are straight men who have sex with each other and have no attraction to each other whatsoever. There was even this study in Georgia, homophobic men, claiming to be straight, claimed to hate LGBT and claimed to have wives and girlfriends whom they were sexually involved with had, got turned on after looking at gay porn, 40% more than straight men who weren't homophobic.
You are a Bisexual when you are Sexually and Romantically attracted to both genders, you can be Sexually Fulfilled by either gender, and you can Romantically Love a person of either gender. So if you were in love with this woman, Ann, then you are bi, if not and if this was a one time thing and if you claim that your gay, then you are. Having sex with both genders doesnt mean your bi. And expiramenting can also be VERY misleading and so can porn.