The Second That Lives Forever

I stand here as a 24 year old man, a person of exceptance and tolerance, i aim to listen to ur view on any belief, my life has continued to improve due to my job and the staff that hide there.

I sit here as a 24 year old man, i have better understandings of my depression and other self created labels, i have more insight therefor a more complete reflection.

I lay here as a 24 year old boy, as i become more confident i seem to stand on other peoples toes, the more i speak the more likly people are to leave me. i have a abstract mind and that tends to rub people the wrong way. i know i am more then depression and gay, but those labels offer a reason to continue to hide from reality as a whole, also the reality of being gay and depressed.

I fail to exist as a 24 year old man, i am fading from my view and am not sure how to make the changes i need. i need to live and explore the world i hide in, i need to but that's enough of a reason to walk out my front door with eyes that don't scan the ground.

Easter is a time to reflect with family and friends, that's a over used saying but still rings true, with hoildays comes the idea that family and friends must love, must argue in ur house, if they don't then ur seen as strange, a failure or ur seen as invisible. this wont be the first christmas, birthday or easter that i have spent on my own, but because this hoilday will bring another gap, another nail in my coffin, i still stand with shaking legs as the day knocks down my door and remind me of what i am, lonly, both physcially and mentally, time may change that but time for me is just one second a way.

I want to hold something i cant, i want to hold what i was, the second before, i want to hold what i will be, the secoond that has not yet lived. sadly, the only thing i can hold is what i am, the second that is now, the second that will never disapear, the second that will never die.